Just so this isn't just a big, blank wall of text, here's the sprite I worked on during the recent stream,
That out of the way, I thought I'd talk about some stuff, for a bit. Ready for some self loathing? No? Because I'm all about the self loathing.
For nearly the past two years, I've worked on quite a few projects, most of which were abandoned entirely, and one of which has merely been shelved until a later date. Regardless, I haven't finished anything for quite a while, despite overall basically making enough content for 2 Eroico sized games, (not including Noaika).
Sometimes, I'd overwork myself to the point of getting artistically burnt out, while at other times, I'd struggle to get back on track and work consistently. Instead of taking a break, and seeking inspiration, I kept pushing hobbies to the side, trying to force myself through it, and felt like I was being lazy whenever I wasn't working. Even when dealing with certain health issues, there's still that part of me that stresses over the time I'm losing.
Perhaps it was the build up of stress that I was ignoring for the past two years, or maybe it was any of the hundreds of comments of people telling me to stfu and take a damn break, but a few months ago I finally just sort of realized that I need to stop worrying about everything. Thinking about a situation that only has long terms solutions, and stressing over it now doesn't accomplish anything, and only serves to slow me down in the long run. And even if it does lead to the game being finished faster, I want to look back on these games, and say that I enjoyed making them.
So, stop worrying.
Stop feeling bad about my situation.
Do things I want to do, and try to enjoy work.
The first thing I did was stop working on weekends, and instead started spending that time catching up on shows, games, and other media that I had been brushing aside. Side projects, drawing random stuff, playing old PS1 RPGs, just whatever I feel like doing. That includes some of the 3d I've been doing recently, which I enjoy way too much, for some reason.
To put it simply, I've been taking it slow. I'm adding stuff I want to add, because I have the time (Pre-orders and christmas sales of Eroico and Kurovadis), and I'm trying to approach developing Noaika in a way that will make me enjoy it more. I know a lot of people joke about how the game will never be done, and it is still going to take a while. The CGs, animation, and music alone is going to take a long time. But first and foremost, I need to start caring more about my mental health, and try to enjoy my work more, so that my career lasts a lifetime as opposed to a few years of stress.
That said, things will be a lot easier once Noaika is done, either way. Assuming it makes a decent amount of money, I'll be able to approach the next game with a fresh mind-set, knowing from the beginning how much time I have, and what development mistakes not to repeat. In all likely-hood I'll be modifying Noaika's engine so that I don't have to worry as much about programming, and I'll work on a game that focuses on better pixel art, and interesting content. After that, I may pick up one of the games I shelved, and program a new engine from scratch, but use the graphics I had finished.
Anyhow, post over. You may now resume talking about how the game will never be finished, and call me a butt whenever I post stuff that isn't related to Noaika. And for those of you who have been patient as hell for some reason, you know you can complaint a little if you want to. Call me some names or something, get it off your chest.