Monday, March 16, 2015

Health, Stress, and overworking yet lacking in dilligence.

Just so this isn't just a big, blank wall of text, here's the sprite I worked on during the recent stream,


This is going to be one of the mini-bosses that you can encounter in Noaika. He appears in dark rooms, and hangs from the ceiling, waiting for unsuspecting victims to pass under him. In some of the areas where bosses appear, there is no music, and some of the bosses must be found (or avoided) based on audio cues. This guy won't be making much sound, though, but I'm sure you can guess how you might see him. (It's not the tentacles -__-)


That out of the way, I thought I'd talk about some stuff, for a bit. Ready for some self loathing? No? Because I'm all about the self loathing.

Anyhow...

For nearly the past two years, I've worked on quite a few projects, most of which were abandoned entirely, and one of which has merely been shelved until a later date. Regardless, I haven't finished anything for quite a while, despite overall basically making enough content for 2 Eroico sized games, (not including Noaika).

Sometimes, I'd overwork myself to the point of getting artistically burnt out, while at other times, I'd struggle to get back on track and work consistently. Instead of taking a break, and seeking inspiration, I kept pushing hobbies to the side, trying to force myself through it, and felt like I was being lazy whenever I wasn't working. Even when dealing with certain health issues, there's still that part of me that stresses over the time I'm losing.

Perhaps it was the build up of stress that I was ignoring for the past two years, or maybe it was any of the hundreds of comments of people telling me to stfu and take a damn break, but a few months ago I finally just sort of realized that I need to stop worrying about everything. Thinking about a situation that only has long terms solutions, and stressing over it now doesn't accomplish anything, and only serves to slow me down in the long run. And even if it does lead to the game being finished faster, I want to look back on these games, and say that I enjoyed making them.

So, stop worrying.
Stop feeling bad about my situation.
Do things I want to do, and try to enjoy work.

The first thing I did was stop working on weekends, and instead started spending that time catching up on shows, games, and other media that I had been brushing aside. Side projects, drawing random stuff, playing old PS1 RPGs, just whatever I feel like doing. That includes some of the 3d I've been doing recently, which I enjoy way too much, for some reason.

To put it simply, I've been taking it slow. I'm adding stuff I want to add, because I have the time (Pre-orders and christmas sales of Eroico and Kurovadis), and I'm trying to approach developing Noaika in a way that will make me enjoy it more. I know a lot of people joke about how the game will never be done, and it is still going to take a while. The CGs, animation, and music alone is going to take a long time. But first and foremost, I need to start caring more about my mental health, and try to enjoy my work more, so that my career lasts a lifetime as opposed to a few years of stress.


That said, things will be a lot easier once Noaika is done, either way. Assuming it makes a decent amount of money, I'll be able to approach the next game with a fresh mind-set, knowing from the beginning how much time I have, and what development mistakes not to repeat. In all likely-hood I'll be modifying Noaika's engine so that I don't have to worry as much about programming, and I'll work on a game that focuses on better pixel art, and interesting content. After that, I may pick up one of the games I shelved, and program a new engine from scratch, but use the graphics I had finished.

Anyhow, post over. You may now resume talking about how the game will never be finished, and call me a butt whenever I post stuff that isn't related to Noaika. And for those of you who have been patient as hell for some reason, you know you can complaint a little if you want to. Call me some names or something, get it off your chest.

68 comments:

  1. >Noaika release never
    Kay, I'm done

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  2. I'm just looking forward to play Noaika some day, that's all.

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  3. Kyieru no baka!
    Okay done btw what old ps1 RPGs are you playing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Played Chrono Cross, playing Suikoden 2 Neither of which I played until now, somehow.

      Also tried a bunch of games that I played as a kid that I wanted to re-evaluate, now that I'm adult, like Tomba, Digimon World, and a bunch of others. Also played a few PS2 games that I never got the chance to play as a kid.

      Delete
    2. After seeing you mention PS1 RPGs I instantly scrolled through the comments looking to see if you'd mentioned playing Suikoden 2. If you weren't playing it, I was prepared to revoke all RPG privileges. :P

      All joking aside, now you've got me interested in the PS2 games you're playing. A while ago a friend lent me his PS2 and I played a bunch of games I should have played ages ago, like the Persona series. Unfortunately the disc reader is getting worn out an loading times are becoming a problem. Hope that doesn't happen to you! D:
      --Nathaniel

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  4. well... that's gonna be in my nightmeres for a few days

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  5. Whatever, man. You've lost interest in Noaika. Shit happens.

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    Replies
    1. If I lost interest in it, I wouldn't still be adding stuff into it -__-

      Delete
  6. Okay...
    Point one: Duke Noaika Forever.
    Point two: you mullet.

    All done.

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  7. Maybe you like 3d because there's no self-expectations about how well you should be doing and it's mostly play?

    Good luck with the work/life balance. Still trying to figure it out, myself.

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    Replies
    1. Sort of. I guess it's because it's all new to me, and I'm past the software hurdle where it's initially frustrating. I also find it really interesting importing 3d models from games, and looking at how they did them.

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  8. Crazy patient guy here, I have no need to complain just keep your cool and you will eventually be done. I've seen games in development hell before and they make it out so keep it up.

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  9. I won't complain about how long this is taking, I won't complain about spending $5 on a pre order that isn't done. The reason I won't is because I've spent even more on games that I never finishe. Ive probably wasted $100 at least on games I didnt get my monies worth out of.

    All I care about is that at some point it will be done. I preordered because I would like to see it done someday.

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  10. Hey man, monster rape is an art form. You already got my money, so just do what ya gotta do to get it done.

    Throw in some bugs/oviposition and we'll call it even. Can never have enough of that. Your constituents are perverts, after all.

    Though a lot of these doodles and stuff ya do would be nice stuff to throw up on the blog in the meanwhile. People probably wouldn't complain as much with fun little distractions, even if they have nothing to do with any current project you're putting out. Folks clearly enjoy the art you do regardless.

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    1. Apparently they hate the idea of me doing 3d, though -__-

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    2. I think it's more that they dislike you shifting away from what you're rather adored for; your sprite work. You've developed a reputation as a very talented designer with a clever and particular sprite style, i think... when people see you producing something in a different genre entirely (e.g. 2d to 3d), they see it as a bad thing because it's a drastic shift from what they know and like about your work. It's pretty understandable.

      For my two cents, I think your 3d stuff is pretty poor looking (but if it's a 'first foray' type thing, that's totally to be expected). I much prefer 2d/sprite style to 3d-esque and/or blocky/N64-esque 3d.

      Delete
    3. Well, while I've only just begun working on 3d, it's more a result of the fact that I've yet to work on a model for more than a few hours, and I havn't taken the time to do a fully textured model yet. (Aka, what would actually be in a game).

      Like with my sprite-work, I do have my standards, and I wouldn't be approaching 3d if I didn't think that I could achieve something I found acceptable.

      Delete
    4. Actually, I think your 3d models look pretty damn good especially for the time put into them. Rarely do 3d models retain a sense of style like 2d sprites do, but the models you've posted so far have a pretty distinct style to them. If you could get these kinds of models to animate properly you could make something pretty amazing. I mean if this is what you get from a few hours of work, I'd love to see what comes from more time spent.

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  11. I guess I qualify as one of the "patient as hell" people. I'm still waiting for Breeding Season after all, and that particular mess has been in production for what? 2 years now? So long as you do better than that I'll be happy.

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  12. Halo 2 was the best Halo game and that was delayed for 2 years. It's okay Ky, you're just too Halo 2 for this Halo 5 world.

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  13. I enjoy reading the game concepts that you come up with.

    I'm actually probably more interested in what you could do in a non-H work. I assume that would allow you to spend more time on aspects of game creation that you enjoy and would make bringing a team together easier (if you went that route) and produce a higher quality game.

    Regardless, I still check the blog daily in hopes of a nice surprise of a sprite/piece of music/brainstorm/thing in the mean time (and possibly the release of a polished game that you're happy with I guess).

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  14. Mamono Assault ForceMarch 17, 2015 at 2:44 AM

    People hate the idea of you doing 3d because of the very reasons you mentioned before. It's just always been done poorly, and left a bad impression.

    If you want your next game to be 3d, and you know you can do it right, then it doesn't really matter what people say who've had a bad taste in their mouth leftover from the 3d scene. If you somehow manage to reverse the curse of 3d games sucking (even though I'm one of the few who played one of the later Armored Fucker games and thought it was okay), then if nothing else, you can walk away feeling accomplished that you did what so many others failed at. Though that's assuming you'd want to embark on such a crusade to make a good 3d game. I won't pretend to know how game design works, so there might be a big issue with 3d that is the reason it's never done well. Just from what I've seen in video games (big name games even), hitboxes seem to be something that eludes most programmers.

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    1. Improper hit boxes, animation, movement, control, a lack of feedback. To me, the problems with most 3d games are pretty obvious. I think the challenge would be learning how to use the software, whereas it seems like some of the developers know how to use the software, but didn't understand how to make a good game. I understand what I would have to do, and I wouldn't make a game until I could.

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  15. You're a donut and taking way longer than I expected.

    That's about all I have to say though, you've got my support and money.

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  16. Bro, give Dark Cloud and Radiata Stories a whirl. Both awesome games, : D.

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    1. Dark Cloud...while I enjoyed it as a kid. It hasn't aged too well. (I was actually looking at the 3d models recently, though.)
      Dark Cloud 2, on the other hand, maybe I'll take another look at. As for Radiata Stories, it's one of those games I've seen all the time but never played. Perhaps I'll take a look when I'm done with some of the other games I'm playing.

      Delete
    2. The list of 3d games of notable 3d shenanigans can go on forever... anyway.

      Dark Cloud definitely hasn't aged too well but I do enjoy the clunky charm of the early PS2 games!
      *The Bouncer rag doll physics lol

      I'd say Radiata Stories, which belongs in the late PS2 cycle of games, is a very simple game at a mechanical level but it's certainly polished!
      I think the selling point for that series is more of how lively the world and characters are. It's great fun kicking people and seeing their reactions in that game : b

      Have you been locking at action games as well Kyrieru? I wouldn't be surprised if you played the Devil May Cry series considering your track record and penchant for solid action mechanics.

      Also, of late, you should check out the problem solving Guilty Gear Xrd did for 3d animation.
      Very smart stuff.

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  17. Yessss! Get your rest, enjoy having time to yourself. I'd rather you be happy and put a game out later than be broken and put a game out sooner.

    Keep up your awesome development insights, too. It's clear you're able to break down what makes games fun and why. The post about the lessons learned from Super Mario World's camera has stuck with me, and I hope to read more like it.

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  18. As long as there's a chance of Kurovadis 2, i'll wait an eternity

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  19. I'm from the future, this game does eventually get released and you're satisfied with it. The game doesn't sell as well which confuses you, later on you do a kickstarter for another game, which does sell well. These events lead you to an overall loss in mental health, but it's quite simple really, marketing.
    Since you already accepted pre-orders, I wouldn't recommend doing a kickstarter for this game, and make sure to advertise Noaika on various sites/forums (such as hongfire if you haven't already) since the game is high quality you won't have to feel shame for anything.
    -Fark

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    1. I don't advertise my games. Instead, I generally just have a presence where the game is going to show up on it's own. (Ryonani, Ulmf, Hongfire). ULMF is pretty much the equivalent of DLsite, when it comes to important places as a dev. It's my highest source of web traffic.

      Tried pre-orders, don't like it. Crowdfunding is a waste of money because the service takes a cut. I'd sooner get a normal job than take pre-orders again, or resort to something like Kickstarter.

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  20. First off, imma make a guess on how the hanging boss is 'seen'. Now, based on how it looks, I can only assume that it might secrete some sort of fluid that would drip to the floor, causing sound. Another assumption I have is that it might make low gurgling sounds.

    Moving on from my speculations, you've come this far Kyr, and while I HATE the waiting, I understand the fact that--in most cases--the longer a game takes to be made, the less chance there'll be gamebreaking bugs/glitches.

    Regarding your 3D work, it's actually refreshing to see someone stepping out of their comfort zone. Be it for pure distraction/enjoyment, or for brainstorming on the next project, it never hurts to expand the range of your skills.

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  21. What's the game you shelved until a later date?

    I hope it's the one with the blue haired umbrella girl.
    When you mentioned that from the gameplay mechanics had emerged something fun, I got really wet..

    And I agree to the guy that said you should post images and general thoughts/info about the games you abandoned.
    We really enjoy your art and game design insights.

    And for the guy above me:
    I think it's probably his glowing eye or something akin to that - not the noises he makes.

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    1. I think the game that was shelved was the one where you could capture monsters or something like that, it sounded interesting

      I was also thinking glowing, those white spots would be my guess.

      Delete
    2. The OP was correct, it would be the game with the blue haired girl and the umbrella. The gameplay would be a bit different than what it was, though, since I'd mostly be picking it up because the graphics are still up to my standards.

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  22. At least he admitted he's never going to finish the game. I feel bad for everybody that gave him money for it already because your never going to see anything from it. Kyrieru has turned into that guy that "made" all those CoC type games on kickstarter, but really just took the money and ran.
    I bought Kurovadis and Eroico, and even rebought them both after my comp shat itself and I lost everything. Now I regret shelling out the money again because Kyrieru just doesnt really care about making a next game.

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    1. If I was trying to con people out of a bunch of money, I'm pretty sure I would try to aim a little higher than a couple thousand dollars in pre-orders. Without income, that wouldn't last long.

      Finishing games is literally the most profitable thing I can do in my life right now. I don't benefit financially from abandoning something I've spent time on.

      Delete
    2. You know the old saying: twenty dollars is worth giving to a friend if never getting it back proves that he's not a friend. You spend sixty or more on a triplea gaming developer only to get offered a bottle of lube and no reach around, so what's twenty dollars worth in the long run?

      Kyrieru will get it done when he gets it done, or he won't. Fussing about it will only prove that you were trolled, if Kyrieru is intentionally doing this, or worsen Kyrieru's mental condition, if he's actually trying to finish things he's working on. Which is more likely: that you're getting trolled, or that Kyrieru needs to hire a team so that he doesn't get mentally slammed by doing everything himself?

      Also: you're a butt, Kyrieru. There, I said it. Now resume what you were doing.

      Delete
  23. The way I see it, giant games take several months to years to complete with a full team, a single person making a game is bound to take its time. Yes it is a job but every job I know of basically has their own days off to so it makes sense to take the weekends off and enjoy what makes you happy. I dunno how to put it but maybe it's due to working jobs where people expect such unrealistic expectations from you that I can look at others and accept why things may happen, why it doesnt work out in the end or why dates get pushed back. Eventually the game will be released, knowing your past two games I have loved them and I am certainly positive that I will love the future games. Just don't go the way of Assassins Creed and scar us with floating eyeballs with rushed release. xD

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    1. Also ment to say, as far as PS1 goes, personal recommendation that I truly love and have no problem replaying anytime is Parasite Eve. Interesting Sci-fi story mixed with (what I consider) different take on Turn based combat.

      Delete
  24. You empty-headed animal food trough wiper ! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries !

    ... or something. Thanks for the honesty and see you next post.

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  25. Actually,You've made some high-quality games.Any of which, was made to suit your pace.
    So,please keep your pace,K. I’m waiting leisurely.

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  26. You aren't lazy or wasting time, you're just a one man army. Development time is to be expected and anyone who expected a full game by now was just being foolish. Not many people have the capacity to churn out that much creative and technical content in such a small period, by themselves, and even less would be willing to do it for a niche as small as porn games.

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    Replies
    1. Ehh...

      It's not really a small niche.

      And it is taking longer than usual. Why do you think he feels that way, he even offered refunds.

      It's just been a frustrating wait, and now we know that there is plenty more.

      I just hope he gets his motivations up and doesn't drop this game as well.

      If other people made games of this caliber, I wouldn't give two shits about Kyrieru taking forever because he's overworked.

      But because he is the only one (I know of) with this level of quality, in ENGLISH... Yeah... It comes down to him making this cool shit happen, or no one else does. Many try, but it's just not the same.

      Delete
  27. Maybe try working while talking to friends over Skype or something. Human interaction can make things a lot more enjoyable, though it's something you can miss out on if you're working freelance as opposed to working in a company.

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    1. To be honest, I actually find that talking to people while I work makes me much less productive. Generally I'll listen to a podcast, or have some kind of long-form let's play playing on my second monitor, more or less to fill silence without distracting me too much.

      Delete
  28. "Kyrieru is a poopy-head!"
    Dumb references aside, it's good to hear you're taking steps to actually ENJOY your work. That's the best way to get satisfying results that yourself and other people will be happy with. Human interaction is good, but not DURING work, which I assume you don't anyway.

    Any new games you've played recently? Or the newest one you can think of? People do bring out gems in our modern day and it'd do you good to go digging for some here and there. Also, this is sort of a personal taste I guess but might I recommend a Japanese band called "BRADIO"? I really enjoy the music they have and they aren't your typical J Rock/Pop.
    They're pretty feel good and sound incredibly unique (in my opinion).

    Back on topic; work hard. Those points you made are good ones so don't forget to stick to it and enjoy yourself. If you aren't enjoying yourself then take a step back and reconsider how you approach things...

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  29. Ky have you considered seeing a counsellor?
    Free Canadian healthcare is an amazing thing.

    Also... something something Codfish. K I'm done.

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  30. Could you tell us what is left in order to complete the game?

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  31. You should always make some time for having fun.

    Since this is your full time job it's not unreasonable to take the weekends off........

    I'm actually surprised that you weren't doing that already....

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  32. You are an idiot Mr. Developer.

    Go take a break. Litterally take a 1-2 month break. Actually even better, go travel somewhere. In fact if you agree to take a traveling vacation I'll post 5$ to the cause. I think a lot of people will post some traveling money for you to take a proper break.

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    1. A month long break of not working would probably stress me out more than a month of working too much -__-

      Delete
    2. Right, give the guy a 1 month break so he can feel even worse about those preorders. How about he rests AFTER the work is done? That way he doesn't feel guilty for taking so long with this game like he's been saying the past few months

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    3. Speak for your fuckin' self. What is this a charity?

      Delete
  33. I'm going to remain patient as hell and not get angry at you so there. Seriously though, take your time, most of us aren't going anywhere and if you need to stop for a moment to rest and relax you should because you deserve the rest and we know you're doing your best.

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  34. NO , don't sleep , or you will get frozen!

    Go through the lava might make you join Popei mummies.

    I am wait watching if you can pass this without becoming a mummie or ice-cream.

    or both it will be , ha ha ha ha , ha ha ha ha

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  35. All that wasted time on other Stuff, you Butt!

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  36. Don't be too harsh on yourself!
    As a fellow hentai game dev I know how difficult things can be from time to time.

    I mean, Cres and I were not able to work on games for ~9 months because of the arm injury thingy...
    (and all those other events that happened)
    Lately we've been taking more time off, going on walks/doing more sports, etc. etc.
    And it really helps a lot!
    Funny thing is, we're now more productive than the past months.
    Despite not working "all the time".

    So, doing proper breaks and having a day off once in a while is very important to boost productivity.
    And of course it's important for being healthy as well.


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  37. You have no idea how happy it makes me to see that you have found a new balance to live by, and you being happy with your work is the most important thing here.

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  38. Yeah , this game will never out in 2015

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  39. Figured i would take the time to touch on a few points.

    Firstly Kyrieru, i just wanna say, you make some really awesome games. You are one of only a handful of hentai developers i have actually put money towards. That being said though, it seems you're development process has been quite inconsistent. I have no doubt in my mind that you'll eventually give us something, and when that something does finally release, it will be quality. I'm sure i will end up throwing money at you for Noaika when it finally releases. I just hope you can settle on a nice rhythm for your game development, and i hope to see many more games from you.

    And on the subject of 3D. I 'll start by saying, I'm not a fan of the idea, and after putting some thought into it, i think i know why. 3D hentai always seems very inorganic. What i mean by that is, it always feels like 2 objects in a space moving against each other, instead of actual living things. It never seems to "sell me" essentially. When i look at one of your current games, i don't have that problem. If i look at Eroico for example, I'm totally convinced of what I'm seeing. The characters match with the environment, and it feels like they belong in that space. You're sprites have always been wonderful and i can see so much detail in them (the slight inflation on the end of one of the Noaika demo animations for example), and that really helps make the experience stand out. 3D models never feel like they belong in the environment. They just feel out of place. I can enjoy a 3D hentai game, and i have in the past. But i usually don't end up coming back to them in the same way i would one of your 2D games, or something like Parasite In City.

    I guess in any case though, i wish you luck with your situation. I look forward to playing Noaika in a few years when it releases, bam, zing!

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    1. I agree. The 3d concepts never flow well, and it will take more stress and time. You could do it for fun, but it's not going to sell much. There were only about 3 good ones on DLsite, and that's just from animations. The overall games were horrible, and lacked quality.
      Try doing music! I do it to sound like a bit of a classy man. FL studios is fun, Mixcraft is alright. They should hit that bit of relief you want to find. And, you can get some high amounts of fans on soundhound who would pay you without even knowing about the hentai side of you.

      Delete
    2. Well, It doesn't really make sense to look to DLsite for examples of 3d H-games. When I started making my first 2d H-game, there weren’t any good 2d action games on DLsite, either, only games like Shinobi Girl. Other than DL, Nightmare Sphere was good, Unholy Sanctuary was still in it's infancy, and the most complete game on Dlsite was probably Viocide. It would have been just as easy to look to 2d games and think "There are no good 2d action H-games"(Honestly, it’s not much different now, as far as I’m concerned)/ What you should be looking to for examples are normal 3d games, and thinking “what would this be like with in-game animations”, because at least for me, that’s the goal.

      The thing is, I wouldn’t be approaching 3d games with technical accomplishment in mind. The graphics wouldn’t rely on advanced lighting, or high res models. The goal would be to be simplicity, but in a style that isn’t going to “age”.

      For example, this looks awful
      http://i.gyazo.com/a6088bc1cad2e2a49e69482ed99f1d3a.png
      But this looks fine
      http://i.gyazo.com/7ad1786f013978f8576828064aeb23fc.png
      http://i.gyazo.com/51cd88b7ee407f16f55a36d021f48e8c.png

      I think one of the reasons why people often have a low opinion of low-res, is because there are a lot of games with terrible color schemes, and bad textures. With the right style, I think it can look fine.

      Delete
  40. Hmmmm. I say you should find a way to balance what you really want (ideally something that would help your work, but detours that vent stress is good once in a while too) to be doing and what you really NEED to be doing at any given moment. I think you've got the good work discipline down, but I think because you're doing too much of what you NEED to be doing that you're burning yourself out. Of course, that's just my two cents, how you spend your time with your thought process differs from individual to individual and certainly can't force my own style to your work.

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  41. While I somewhat agree with the 3D statement, I've seen a few that really pulled it off well both in terms of hentai content, graphic quality, and good gameplay. I just think 3d is so new for indie developers that most dont do it well.

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    1. And the big japanese studios doing it, I agree, seem overproduced and inorganic. Like most pop albumns. lol.

      Delete
  42. Just digging through old updates since I seem to not know much about Noaika. Gotta say I love the design on that thing, gives me a real cosmic horror kind of feel. Can't wait to see what it does ^_^

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